5
by selmak
Summary: In a world full of Alphas, Betas and Omegas, the haves, the wanna be worker-bees and the pariahs, Alpha Phil Coulson is tired of dealing with the various sexual politics. Then he meets FitzSimmons and God laughs.


A/N This is so wrong on many levels - but part of my attempt to ship Phil Coulson with every breathing thing on the Bus. This leaves Skye, Ward, Lola and the plant on his desk.

As for the Alpha/Beta/Omega verse stuff, well, I threw most of it out the window. Bit crackish.

So going to hell for this.

INTRO.

In a world full of Alphas, Betas and Omegas, the haves, the wanna be worker-bees and the pariahs, Alpha Phil Coulson is tired of dealing with the various sexual politics. After the Battle of New York, where he had died and came back while his bond mate had died and stayed dead, he's got a new team, a new command unit and the last thing he wants or needs is to deal with that sexual shit.

Again.

He's got a team with three Alphas and three Betas, two of which are a rare Beta Bond. It's a good, stable working environment and the Bonded Betas are brilliant in their fields. His work is challenging, so Phil Coulson pours his soul into it. He's quite content to be that rare breed, an Alpha who is asexual by choice.

Jemma Simmons is a Beta, who bonded to an Omega who is actually impersonating a Beta. Fitz is a classic case of gender-sexual misdiagnosis, but between her skills at biochemistry and at soothing Leo Fitz, their relationship works with none the wiser. They are best friends, parts of each other's soul, never knowing completeness until they had met at the Academy.

Leo Fitz is an Omega, who wishes he was a Beta, who just wants to Science. And thanks to Jemma Simmons, he can.

Then FitzSimmons meet Coulson and God laughs.

1.

"Welcome to the Strike Team Delta and to the bus," Phil announces to the two young scientists. He leans heavily on his cane and hopes his smile looks like a smile rather than a grimace of pain. "Everything set up the way you want in the lab?"

"Yes, sir," said the female. Simmons, his mind reminds him. Fitz is the male, by far the quieter of the two.

"Let me show you to your bunk. I had them specifically give you your own area. The other three members of the crew are on the other side of the bus. I had them put a wall up so you can some sort of privacy."

"That's much appreciated," Simmons said with a slight blush.

"I'm bonded, so I tried to set it up the way she'd want it if I was here with her in the crew section," he admits. "Well...I **_was_**... bonded for twenty years. She died in New York when everything went to shit."

He can't even try to pretend to smile, because the wound is still too raw for smiles, so he motions. "Shall we go?"

"Your leg?" the young man asks.

"Tripped over a piece of luggage," he explains. At their look of disbelief, he adds a tart, "That's my story and I'm sticking with it."

They try not to giggle, so he gives them a rare smile. Phil Coulson's great weakness, besides a bum leg that hurts too much, and a hole in his soul that hasn't really healed, is that he's lousy at jokes. He tries to be funny, but he doesn't ever succeed. His weakness is that he doesn't stop trying to be funny because **_she_** had always assured him that he was funny.

Phil Coulson accepts that he wasn't, but the way her eyes had softened and how she had smiled at him after his noble and failed attempt at a joke, well, it was one of the many reasons he had adored her.

He stops in front of the door that leads to their private quarters.

"You've read the specs of the team?" Coulson asks. "Three Betas, three Alphas. I'm on suppression therapy so I promise to be on my best behavior. I don't want that tidbit broadcasted, but since you're the acting medic on this trip, you'll need to be aware."

At Simmons' questioning look, he explains. "She laughed at my jokes. For twenty years, she laughed at all my dumb jokes. You can't replace that type of relationship. You shouldn't even try, especially if it's just based on pheromones."

He straightens and turns serious, "Team meeting in thirty minutes. Get yourselves settled. Fitz, I understand that you have recurrent episodes of fevers due to your misspent youth in the tropics."

It was a white lie, as Fitz did have fevers. But not due to any tropical disease, but because of his cycle.

"I usually know when the episode is about to occur," Leo assures Coulson. "It happens every six months or so, especially if I am run down. My last one was three weeks ago."

"How much lead-time?" Coulson asks.

"Several days before, I'll start feeling it coming on."

"Let me know when it's starting to happen. You'll have your own separate bunk for when you're quarantined. I understand it's not contagious but that way, you have your privacy. I've had enough experience with concerned people traipsing in and out of my sick room to understand the need for sweet, blessed quietness."

Their new team leader limps away and Jemma sighs.

"I like him," she says to Leo. She reaches for Leo and her hand fits his, just perfectly.

"I think I could like him," he agrees. "Even if he is an Alpha."

"He's given us privacy, Fitz. This will work," she says with true excitement. "Let's look at our new home."

To their surprise, their bunk area is cozy. Very, very cozy. Their bed is enough for five, and even Fitz's quarantine bed is enough so Jemma can lie next to him. But the best part is... there is a lock on the door.

"This is much nicer than the other bunks," Jemma confesses. "So much nicer than SciOps, especially as we'll have true privacy when you're not feeling well. We're doing it, we're **_Sciencing_**. "

She's so excited that he can't help but be excited, because he loves her so very, very much. He'll do anything for her; even pretend that he's something that's not, because their love is unconditional.

Their love is not based on his biology, his very freak nature, but because Simmons is Simmons. And Simmons is unconditional love.

2.

The other Beta is Skye. She is an expert on computers and she is also Coulson's daughter. Coulson and Skye never mention their relationship in front of the others, but Jemma finds out and shares the juicy tidbit with Fitz during pillow talk. The two women have grown quite close in the four or so months that they've known each other.

"She also thinks you're quite cute," Jemma admits with a sly smile.

He blushes because Skye is Skye and Fitz is Fitz. She is the most Alpha of the Betas that he's ever known because she's outgoing and bubbly and even Coulson, the Senior Alpha, smiles at her sheer cheek.

"She wants to be friends with you. Skye believes that you are worried about my reaction to her," Simmons explains. "Next time she invites you to lunch, you should go. Betas do go to lunch together."

He shakes his head because he's quite shy. Simmons constantly needs to remind him how to act like a Beta. How he must stand, how he must act, how he is to look them in the eyes, and he believes that he's fooled the two Alphas May and Ward into believing that he's a true Beta. Coulson, though, sometimes watches him a bit too intensely, as though he's a puzzle that needs to be deciphered.

Simmons suggests how delightful it would be Fitz and Skye to 'do lunch' and he finds himself having lunch with Skye off base in a little cafe. It's surprisingly easy to converse with her, almost as easy as talking with Simmons. They're laughing when someone stands next to their table.

"Can I join you?" asks a familiar voice.

"Sure, AC. I have to leave anyway," Skye admits. She kisses Coulson on his cheek and straightens his tie. "Dinner tonight?"

Coulson nods and Skye floats away. The Alpha sits down and he stretches his bad leg with a slight groan.

"Hope you don't mind that I interrupted your lunch but I wanted a chance to talk to you."

Fitz nods and Coulson taps Fitz's hand with his fingers. The feel of Coulson's fingers against his skin is **_electric_**. Oh, dear God, he's close to cycling and Coulson is positively, absolutely Alpha. Even with the suppressants, Coulson smells... enticing.

Coulson has always smelled like Simmons to Fitz, but he doesn't truly smell like Simmons. Shortly after they had joined the team, Fitz had tried to explain how Coulson smelled to him and Jemma had nodded her head in understanding.

"You feel safe with him," she finally decides. And she hadn't been jealous or upset, but instead, she had been happy because she knew how much Fitz feared Alphas and she thought it rather promising that Fitz was overcoming his fear.

And while he might feel safe, with Coulson, he's never been particularly chatty with him. Fitz thinks Coulson prefers it that way; that their relationship is professional and Fitz produces whatever is asked of him.

Instead, Coulson is shaking his head at Fitz.

"I understand that I am rumored to be an utter bastard, but I want you to look me in the eyes when you talk to me," Coulson explains. "It makes me uncomfortable that you don't look me in the eyes. I understand that SciOps insists on the traditional behaviors, but I find that inconvenient in the field. How are you doing? Everyone treating you well?"

There had been a brief incident when Ward had gotten too friendly with Simmons, fortunately not in a physical way, but Coulson had noticed and warned Ward. The younger Alpha had backed down from Coulson, rather than confronting the older Alpha as there was a strange power arrangement among the three Alphas of the team. Coulson was in charge, except when he wasn't. May and Coulson were equal except when they weren't and Ward was almost a Beta when it came to those two. Even with the fact Coulson uses an arm crutch when his knee is really bothering him, Ward still backs down.

"Yes, Sir," Fitz says.

"Look at me when you talk to me," insisted Coulson. "There haven't been any more problems with people respecting your bond with Simmons? I want everyone to treat your bond with respect. I want Skye to see firsthand how a true pair bonding works with two Betas. I want her to have hope for her own situation. The other strike team leads didn't want to deal with a Bonded Beta pair."

Fitz looks at Coulson, at his kind blue eyes and Fitz nods his head.

"You look ill," Coulson quietly says. "You're early for your fever?"

"A few weeks early," he admits.

Coulson brushes his hand against Fitz's forehead, and then shakes his head.

"Let's take you to Simmons."

The Alpha takes him back to the bus, escorts him past the various military units that are on the bus. A couple Alphas look at him, but Simmons has ensured that his scent is masked to be a true Beta, plus Coulson is next to him.

"Simmons is in a meeting," Coulson explains as Fitz returns back to his bunk. "Let's get you settled and she should be here shortly."

"I don't need your help, Sir," Fitz insists, but the Alpha looks at him, with bemusement.

"Your disagreement is duly noted and it will be ignored because that is the type of person I am," Coulson says. He smiles and Fitz barks a laugh. "Get changed and get into your bunk. I'll get you tea and then I'll leave."

However, Coulson does not just bring Fitz tea. There is a two bottles of ginger ale, several liters of water and a box of Tylenol.

"I take care of my team," Coulson softly explains while Fitz fumbles his thank you. "I like taking care of my team. See you in a few days."

And Coulson leaves, while Fitz ponders about Coulson. He imagines what it would be like to be with the experienced Coulson, especially now when Fitz's body is betraying him and he's craving. Fortunately, Simmons arrives shortly as he is in such need for her. They frenziedly and frenetically couple and when he calls out "Phil" after one particularly mind blowing orgasm, she doesn't get upset. No, she just smiles and whispers, "It's OK. I understand."

It's not OK.

Not at all. Because what he has with Simmons is **_real_**.

But he knows that he's doomed by genetics to hurt Simmons. He hates biology and all it represents and all it represses... people like him.

Though when Phil Coulson stops by to visit him during his post-recovery, Fitz can't help but notice Coulson's broad shoulders and easy smile. Coulson even brings him a small gift of sugar mice, which was Fitz's favorite childhood treat.

3.

"Feeling better?" Coulson asks when Fitz returns back from his 'sabbatical'. "You still look rough around the edges."

"Yes, I am feeling better, Sir," Fitz agrees.

"We have a mission and we need to make contact with an operative who sells weapons. Unfortunately, he is very conservative, so would you be comfortable pretending that you are my Beta? I spoke with Simmons, and she will discuss the matter with you." Coulson exhales before he continues, "I don't want to cause any stresses in your relationship with Simmons. That's why I asked her first."

Naturally, Simmons believes that he should play at being Coulson's Beta. Coulson had assured her that nothing would happen between him and Fitz while on the mission, that he held too much respect for their bond to intervene, however unless Fitz could pull off being an Alpha, it was the only way Coulson could get Fitz safely in and out of the camp.

"We owe him," Fitz slowly admits. For the tea, the ginger ale and the water. For warning Ward to back off, for taking a chance on two Bonded Betas in the field. For the hundreds of ways, Coulson bucks tradition and treats them as well as any Alpha.

"And he will never use that against us. Lives could be saved, Fitz, because of you." Simmons' eyes are sparkling because Betas wish to help and to nurture. Omegas wish to hide, Alphas wish to dominate and he's so fortunate that he was assigned to be lab mates with Simmons all those years ago.

"But..." Fitz wishes not to confess his fear but Simmons understands.

"I have a crush on him also," she whispers. "Yet, you will always be first in my heart."

They touch foreheads, grateful for their unbreakable bond.

"I noticed that you laugh at his jokes," teases Fitz.

"As do you, Fitz." Simmons laughs. "They are really horrible jokes, aren't they?"

"Yes," Fitz agrees.

"But he tries so hard to be funny, and the way he smiles so happily when someone laughs. So, you will tell me everything, and we can pretend in bed when you get back. You can be Coulson."

Fitz twists his lips into a mock frown.

"And you will tell me horrible, horrible jokes, and I will laugh," she says.

"As long as you are only laughing at my jokes," Fitz teases.

"I'd never laugh at you, Fitz," she assures him.

Their mission goes well, the Intel is received and lives are saved. The only hiccup is that the two have to spend several days at the compound in negotiation and obtaining the necessary Intel. However their host and Coulson go way back, so they are given luxurious quarters with **_only one bed._** Fitz sees the bed, realizes it's the only one in the room and nearly panics.

To Fitz's surprise, Coulson embraces him, but carefully, so he's not touching Fitz's skin.

"Easy," whispers Coulson.

Coulson has a highly honed skill where it appears that he's kissing Fitz, but in fact, he whispering him information.

"I'm sorry; I didn't think we have to spend several days here. I thought we'd be in and out. However, we can share the bed, nothing will happen. I have too much respect for Simmons," Coulson whispers. "Don't be afraid, I won't touch you."

Fitz says not a word, but his heart pounds so loudly that they must be hearing it.

"I know what you are, **_what you really are_** and you're safe with me. I have a deviated nasal septum due to a broken nose that I never got reset. I can't smell anything. You could cycle right now and I wouldn't be physically affected. Plus, before my nose was broken, I **_never_**... when she cycled... I **_never_**... I adored her and treated her with respect."

"Wasn't it your right?" Fitz asks. It's what has been drilled into his head by society, that the Omega needs a Master. That if he is chosen, he submits.

**_"NO. _**It was not my right to treat her like she was an animal**_." _**Then in a softer tone, "You can still be on the team as no one else has guessed your secret. Not even Skye. She just thinks that you're quite shy and she finds it charming. I don't care about your sexuality; I want your brain and Simmons' brain on my team. If anything happens to me, you'll be safe with Melinda. Don't trust Ward as I'm not sure about him. He's young, he's never been bonded, and he's never witnessed... a loved one experiencing the rut."

Coulson pulls away from Fitz and then shakes his head.

"You didn't bring the ear plugs, did you?" Coulson asks in a louder tone. "I know how you can't sleep without them due to my snoring. I'll sleep in the chair then. One of these days, I'll get my nose fixed, so you can sleep through the night. Promise."

And Coulson insists on sleeping in the chair, though in the morning, he's in terrific pain from his leg. Fitz notices as Coulson's scent is sharp and spiky, though Coulson denies that he is in pain. Instead, Coulson soldiers on, ignoring it until their contact's bond mate, Alicia, chastises Fitz for not taking better care of his Alpha.

"I'm being difficult," Coulson explains to Alicia. "He wants to baby me which I can't stand."

"Well, you can't stand now," Fitz snaps as Coulson is propping his weight just so, balancing everything on his good leg when he thinks Fitz isn't watching.

Coulson fiercely grimaces over his betrayal, even while two of their contact's aids literally pick him up and carry him back to his room.

"I have medication. You will rub it on his leg and it will feel much better," Alicia explains.

Fitz returns to his room to find his team lead in bed, covered by blankets. Alicia has insisted on following him so she bustles into the room even while Coulson protests.

"Show me your leg," she orders.

"Ma'am," Coulson primly protests.

"Your bond is here, I am a medic, propriety is maintained," she says. "Though your bond mate will rub the lotion on your leg."

"I'll do it," is Coulson's immediate response.

She dismissively sniffs at Coulson's protest. "It will do him good, Agha Philip, as he does not show sufficient interest in you. It is obvious to all that you are quite fond of him, but he doesn't return the affection. Everyone's remarking on his reticence."

"I instructed him to be less demonstrative, so not to offend anyone. I am not completely immersed in your culture and did not wish to unintentionally offend anyone by the strength of our bond."

Again, another sniff even as she yanks the covers away.

There's a flash of skin, dark blue boxers and Coulson grabs the covers back.

"Asyse Alicia, **_please_**," Coulson protests in a scandalized tone while Asye Alicia appears quite pleased.

"You will rub it up and down his leg. From his hip to his toes, front and back of the leg," she explains to Fitz. Then she hands Coulson a small vial and instructs him to drink.

"My first visit back here after the events of New York, she was an absolute terror," Coulson explains in a rather conservational tone. "Every time I turned round, there was a Beta or an Omega being sent my way. Several appeared in my bed and I was an absolute mess by the time the mission was done. They kept jumping me in the strangest places. Alicia meant well, but I felt pursued."

He leans back on the pillow and he slowly exhales while Alicia looks pleased.

"Alicia believes in not skimping on the really good drugs," a glassy eyed Coulson slurs. "That's why I like her. Am I floating?"

"No," Fitz says.

"Good, when I start floating, better put a safety belt on me," he mumbles.

Alicia grabs the blankets and pulls them off Coulson.

"Keep my chest covered, please," Coulson requests as he covers the large scar that meanders over his chest with his hands. "Please."

Fitz grabs the blankets and ensures that Coulson is completely covered except for his one leg. There is a twisted y-shaped scar on his leg and his knee is swollen. Alicia opens the jar of medicinal cream and puts a large blob of Fitz's hands.

"Start at the hip and massage it in," she orders.

Fitz just stares at the cream and he's not sure what to do because... _He'd be touching Coulson, an __**Alpha**_. He's never deliberately touched an Alpha, not since puberty, and... and... there's a brief touch on his sleeve. Coulson... who looks at him and nods his head. The Alpha motions so Fitz leans next to him.

"It's OK," Coulson whispers in a very soft voice. Then he continues by whispering the Alpha Sacrament, "As Alpha, I give you permission to touch me with the understanding that I will not reciprocate. I will not coerce or force what only should be willingly given."

"Thank you," Fitz softly whispers as he's stunned that Coulson knows the Sacrament. It had fallen out of favor decades ago, after the nuclear war that had ravaged the planet and the fertility rates had dwindled.

"It will nice to have someone take care of me," Phil says in a louder voice. In a softer tone, "Someone I trust."

While Coulson dozes, Fitz dutifully massages Coulson's hip and leg under Alicia's guidance. The medic seems happy with his care of Phil and then leaves Fitz alone with a snoring Coulson. Fitz is horrified to realize how **_adorable_** Coulson is when he's heavily drugged and drooling into his pillow.

It would easy, Fitz realizes, to continue to touch Coulson. The lower back that pains him... it would be easy to massage it... to... touch... No. No. NO. Coulson's drugged to the gills, he can't consent and he has expressed his non-interest plainly and frankly so...

And Fitz wants nothing more than to return back to the Bus, so he doesn't have to be in such close contact with Coulson. No, he'd much rather be back with Simmons and she'd stabilize him and his freakiness, because... he's afraid that he'll Soul Bond with an unwilling and uninterested Coulson.

Because if he mentally stretches just so, he can sense Coulson's moods and emotions, the tightness in his chest from the old scar, the twinge in his knees, his deep concerns for Skye...

But most of all, he hears Alicia's voice mocking him all night long.

_"It is obvious to all that you are quite fond of him, but he doesn't return the affection. Everyone's remarking on his reticence."_

How utterly wrong she is, on both points.

The next morning when Fitz wakes, he realizes that Coulson is sitting on the bed, and he is bending his knee. Not just bending but extending it and he's smiling.

"I need to find out what she used as this is the best I've felt in too long," Coulson says. "Fitz? Are you done watching me?"

Fitz doesn't say anything but pretends to be asleep. Coulson just laughs and throws a towel at him.

"Rise and shine, the mission calls."

The mission accomplished, he and Coulson have a long ride back to civilization. Fitz pretends that he's working on a piece of equipment so he remains silent, however he couldn't tell anyone what he was doing. Because he's sitting next to Coulson and ... and... God, he wishes Simmons was here. Finally, Coulson taps his arm with his elbow and Coulson asks, "What are you telling Simmons?"

"About the mission?" Fitz asks.

Coulson gives him a dirty look because he's playing stupid.

"You can trust me," Coulson simply says.

"We know that," is Fitz's answer.

Coulson nods his head and it seems that Fitz's answer is enough.

4.

Fitz is rather introspective when he returns back from his mission with Phil. Simmons notices and she soothes her partner with the time and true method of handling Fitz. She takes him to bed, wears him out and lets him sleep. That done, she needs to speak with Coulson.

A Coulson who is waiting for her in the break room. There is tea and there are biscuits and Coulson. He has prepared a tray and he escorts her to his office.

"He did yeoman's work," Coulson says. "You can be proud of him."

"I'm always proud of him," she admits which earns her a delighted smile from Coulson.

"He's very lucky to have you. What did he tell you?" Coulson asks.

"Nothing." Her confession displeases Coulson, so she feels the need to expand. "He's physically exhausted so I just tucked him in."

Coulson says nothing and Simmons finishes her tea. "Thank you for the tea. Will that be all?"

"Most cases of gender orientation misdiagnosis," he begins and Simmons tightens in fear. "Those poor souls usually aren't lucky enough to experience a relationship like you and Fitz."

She swallows and bows her head.

"Your secret is safe with me. You can trust May, but do not trust Skye or Ward. Both of them are too young to be trusted with a secret of this magnitude. If someone finds about the two of you, you will be sent to the rehabilitation camps."

"I know," Simmons admits.

"To reassure Fitz, I let Fitz know my secret. I am anosmic, so in a world completely dependent on scent and smell, I am at a distinct disadvantage. I've had to hone my other senses to make up for the lack. I'd appreciate help keeping up appearances... or should I say... smelling the roses."

Simmons relaxes and sighs in relief. "Yes, Sir. Of course."

They don't say anything for a bit and then Coulson straightens his shoulder. "Simmons, does he have a crush on me?"

She pauses and she feels her cheeks color. For a wonder, Coulson isn't the usual smug Alpha. He's concerned and worried as though it's his fault, rather than basic biology.

"Because I've done nothing to promote that sort of feeling. I touched him skin to skin just that one time and I realized then that he was an Omega. Since then I've been really careful not to make skin contact with him. I don't want you thinking that I wish to interfere in your bond when you've always been a very important, stabilizing part of his life."

Coulson is earnest and serious while Simmons realizes anew why Fitz has such a crush on Coulson. He's serious and intense, and ... oh... well, she is biased as she's a charter member of the Hot for Coulson fan group.

"No, Sir. You're really not his type," she lies.

His shoulders relax and he smiles. It's a little bad boy smile that makes him charming.

"Story of my life," he quips.

5.

The years pass. Coulson, and by extension his team, are interchangeably rabble rousers, pariahs and the saviors of the universe. Skye and Ward decide to bond, requiring Coulson and Ward to have a long conversation in Coulson's office. No one is ever sure what is said, but Ward comes out of the office, looking like a dog trailing its tail between its legs, while Coulson's scent is an odd combination of pride and amusement.

It's a small ceremony and there's not a dry eye in the church when Coulson's voice breaks when he mentions how much he wishes Skye's mother was there to see what a remarkable woman her daughter is.

Then the mood is broken when Coulson points at his eyes and then points at Ward, who steps back.

"Keeping my eyes on you," Phil announces while everyone chuckles.

"Dad!" Skye protests.

Fitz and Simmons have a bit too much champagne so they are sitting in the garden watching everyone. A waiter brings another round of champagne and it would be rude terribly not to accept. They toast each other, "To Science!", when Skye bursts out of nowhere and sits next to them.

"Feet are killing me," she announces. "Ok, guys, I'm heading out to my honeymoon, so I need you to do me a favor. Keep an eye on Dad for me?"

"Sure," Fitz says while Jemma agrees.

"I think he's feeling very lonely right now, so you could probably tumble him into bed," admits a rather plastered Skye.

FitzSimmons loudly protests while Skye giggles.

"Seriously, he has such a crush on you two. It's almost as bad as his Captain America crush," Skye admits. "He thinks you're both brilliant and... oh... he's got it BAD. **_BAD_**. After Mom died, he just shut that part of his life down, because he was too focused on me. At one time, he thought that maybe both of you were interested but Simmons assured him that he simply wasn't Fitz's type."

Skye repeats herself a few times as she's quite giddy.

"Seriously, he's sitting there by himself. Go over, and if you push him just right," and Skye demonstrates, "He'll be in your bed. Mom assured me that he was absolutely **_amazing_** in bed. However, he won't make the first move. For an Alpha, he's too much of a gentleman. Mom called him old-school but she says that was part of his charm."

Fortunately, Ward shows up then so Skye giggles a bit more, kisses FitzSimmons and follows Ward to their limo.

"Interesting hypothesis," Simmons admits.

"We'd need empirical evidence to support such a hypothesis and confirm that it's true," is Fitz's suggestion.

They look at each other, nod their heads in unison and decide to test out their hypothesis. Jemma makes a naughty comment about _a posteriori _and Coulson's posterior which cause both scientists to uncontrollably giggle.

They stagger to where a dejected Coulson is sitting and they sit so Coulson is in the middle. Simmons is the drunker of FitzSimmons due to her lack of body weight so she smiles at Coulson. In response, Coulson looks at Fitz. He's obviously confused so he moves away from Simmons, however FitzSimmons moves in closer to their prey, leaving him trapped.

"You know, I think you didn't understand something. You asked if Fitz had a crush on you," Jemma begins. "And I told you no; because you weren't his type."

Coulson's face is expressionless but his scent changes to uncertainty plus a taint of severe embarrassment.

"FitzSimmons has a crush on you," she explained. "And you are most assuredly FitzSimmons' type."

"Shall we find a room?" Fitz asks.

"With a really big bed," Simmons adds.

- Morning after –

There's an overabundance of legs and arms, torsos and a horrifying lack of pillows in his bed as Fitz refuses to share. Phil Coulson also possesses a slight headache.

But Phil Coulson is happy and pleasantly exhausted after a strenuous night.


End file.
